pantherkitty.com
This journal is in reverse order. The latest entry is first.

Daryl

Alice

April 2005

rejected again Wednesday 05/11/05 I was waiting to hear from a game company I had applied to for work. Today, out of frustration I emailed them to see if everything was ok. Well, it is great for some other guy. I was politely informed that I was not chosen for the position. Ugh! I have known for some time now that my biggest fear is rejection. I can jump out of planes, I can scale mountains, I'd even be willing to walk on hot coals. But, the thought that I am not wanted strikes fear in my chest so deep I ... well, I have perfected the art of escapism. I eat. I sleep. I mope. I do anything I can to avoid thinking about it. I put off everything. There is a real problem in me. I know it's there. I can see it ruining everything. I don't have the drive to squash it and move on. I am lazy. When it comes to other people I go out of my way to help. I get up and do. I am willing and able to do anything. I am a lazy bum where I am concerned. What is the solution? How do I fix my shit? Got me! In fact I am going to stop writing now so I can mope some more and avoid reality. ____________________________________________________________

ptptptptptptptptptptptptptptptpt Tuesday 05/10/05 There is one thing you dont expect in the middle of a city. Helicopters! It seems there are four thousand helicopters in our neighborhood alone. Today I was waiting for our NEW BED to arrive (what a story that is) and I turned on the tele. I was into the deer hunter (we have HBO for free for 6 months) and I realized the helicopters I thought were in the movie were actually flying over our apartment. I had a jolt of panic as if I were transported to vietnam and I was being forced to play russian roulette. It gets so bad that some times I give up on the show and end up just practicing my lip reading skills and watching the pretty pictures. Our Bed. Yep it is a whole lot better than the smashed-paper-thin-futon-I-got-when-I-moved-to-Chicago-10-years-ago mattress we had been sleeping on until we moved to LA when we started sleeping on Christians Aero bed. Alice goes over the whole debacle in her writings. ____________________________________________________________

PikiPiki Wednesday 04/20/05 I just found a website that centers around the music scene in Evansville while I was a teenager. There are references to long lost friends and various places I regularly reminesce (to myself) about. There are people who are clearly doing well tghese days and people who are still missing. I think I fall under the catagory of "missing". I havent spoken to any of these folks in decades. i am going to put my email address there and see if anyone tries to contact me. ____________________________________________________________

Post Office Blues 2 Monday 04/11/05 Went to the hidden general delivery building again today. The ancient man working behind the window was laughable, to say the least. He was like watching a comedy sketch. He was painfully clueless and doddering. Not only could he barely hear us explain our story, again, but he had no idea where to look or what he was doing. It took him ten minutes to go back and forth in this tiny space where he was looking through peoples mail, checking to see if we had any there. He came back to the window several times to ask our situation again, as if we were lying about our story. Nothing. With employees like him around it is a wonder they get anyones mail delivered correctly. A Warning! Alice and I often refer to Babouschka with afectionate names like "The Beast", "The Monster", "Lap Leach", "Floor Shark", "The Demon", "The Evil One", "The Queen", "Her Majesty", "Fur Ball", "Tank Kitty" and many more. There is no end to her evil. She is vying to rule the world through fur shedding and shoulder licking. There are few who could stop her. She has the power to puke at will. One day someone will try to oppose her, we fear for their lives. Not that this information will save you from her but, you have been warned. ____________________________________________________________

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy? Sunday 04/10/05 Does the sun ever stop shining in LA? I don't think so. It is crazy how much more sunshine there is here compared to SF. There hasn't been fog cover once. And, so far, I haven't noticed too much smog. The kitty sure likes sitting in the window sunning herself. The only drawback to all this sun is that I have a very light complexion. I don't see my skin burning but it feels like I have a burn on the back of my neck. You know, when the shirt rubs it stings. Is it true that sunlight improves the mood? If it is true the people here should be giddy. When you have all sun all the time the happiness levels off and road rage comes back. I have to say It is nice to be able to go outside and not need a jacket or sweater. I haven't worn one since we got here. ... ... Sorry the Lap Leach insisted on some love. Alice and I drove around the area for hours yesterday looking for "For Rent" signs. We found a boat load but few have called us back. It is common to call and leave a message on a landlords answer phone and not get a call back for days. We have seen some real nice places but most of them have been just so so. There is the place that was huge but had no appliances at all as well as the walls were paper thin. Another Had everything we cold ask for and more but it was too far east. Some have every amenity someone could think of, and some you wouldn't think of, but are a little too pricey. We have decided to push our upper limit a little higher because we were wading through so many dirt holes (relatively speaking). I look at a place and think "Would my mother be comfortable wandering around this neighborhood?" That cuts out a large number of places real fast.. Then I ask "Would mom think this place is great, cute, nice, okay, or eewwww?" When I was searching for places in SF I asked these and the Alice questions too. But, since Alice is with me this time she can ask these questions herself. price ($900-$1300) space (big enough for all our crap?) dishwasher laundry Parking (for us and visitors) Location (nearby food, close to work, dangerous hood) plumbing extras ( pool, gym...) I got a call from Wally yesterday. He's a LA voice teacher and he is excited I am here so we can work together on a couple projects he has in mind for the near future. It was a great boost for me to get his call. I have been down a little because I don't have work lined up and it seems most of the places i call aren't looking. ____________________________________________________________

Post Office Blues Tuesday 04/05/05 The United States Post Office. jo-oke. We went to three different post offices today. What a draining experience. It all started when we decided to move. We visited LA and looked for apartments in march. It was a a tiring experience but, I don't need to go into that... You already read about it below. What you might not have known is that not finding an apartment was the worst thing for this move. Christian offered us his place I am very grateful but I think we went about it poorly. Ya live, Ya learn. Our mistake was asking the post office what we should do about our mail. With no real permanent address they advised us to get or mail delivered general delivery to the nearest post office to where we were staying. The problem with this advice is that the LA post office doesn't do things like SF post offices. The General delivery mail goes to one location in LA, downtown. Thats a 45 min to 1 hour drive for us. We went to the closest post office in LA and the lady behind the bullet proof glass said "What is general delivery?" Okay, even the people who work for the PO have no clue. She went back in the back for what seemed like 20 min. and came back out to tell us her manager told her it is at the downtown branch. We asked her where that branch was and she said "just get on one of these main roads to down town and you'll go right to it. It's by Union Station." Address? She had no clue. by the time we get this info it was 4:30 pm and there was no way for us to get downtown in time. Tomorrow it is. alice and I say to each other almost simultaneously "Let's get a PO Box at the office nearby so we don't have to go downtown for our mail." We wait in line for 20 min at the same PO branch to be told you have to have a permanent local address to get a po box. As we already explained, we are in transition right now and don't have a permanent address yet. She just shrugs. "How do we get our mail?" She shrugs again. You could have the guy you are staying with come down and get one with you. "He's in Bali." Again, a shrug. We leave in a huff and head down to The Downtown Branch. Waiting in line. Waiting in line. Waiting in line. Finally a window opens. After describing our plight to the fourth PO worker we get "The general delivery mail doesn't come here. It goes to a storage facility a few blocks away. Their hours are 10:30 to 2." It was 3pm when we got this news. "Just go over there and explain your situation, the manager there is nice. He might help you." Might? The storage facility is a big nondescript building with one little window on the parking lot side. You ring a buzzer and ten minutes later a person shows up and you have to explain your story again. alas, there was one piece of mail for each of us. A whole week, Hours of torture at the hands of the post office staff, and thats it. Two measly envelopes. ____________________________________________________________

Into the unknown Saturday 04/02/05 We are here! After much painstaking crap we have arrived in LA with just a few bumps and bruises. Last night Mo stayed a while and we chatted her up. I am glad we will get to see her more often, but sad we won't get to see our SF friends as much. Today, we had to go back to U-Haul to make sure everything was okay and to get Maurissa's lock back. According to the sign on the fence at U-Haul, you must lock the back of the truck so no one would steal their dolly. That wouldn't have been a problem if they had let me put it inside their lot when I got there. Apparently, the people working for U-Haul are idiots because they had no idea how to open a combination lock. They tried twice, then cut it with a bolt cutter. They didn't even call and ask if they were doing it right or say hey, come down here and take your lock off. Just snip. So after renting a car (at $55/day What a rip off.) and getting ourselves there they said they could not do anything about the lock. I have to call the manager on Monday. They destroy my personal property and act like it's my fault. I have to stop writing right now or I will blow my lid again. I will meet the contact I made in my last session at Boomtown this week. Don't know if any thing will come of it but I am optimistic. Tomorrow is another day and I am hopeful. Scared. But, hopeful. The kitty, on the other hand, is still pissy I hope she adjusts soon. ____________________________________________________________

Breakdown and the Mattress Friday 04/01/05 Ahhh! Bright and early the next morning, 10 a.m.. We slowly peel our pathetic asses out of bed. Checkout time is 11? Ugh! We rush to get out the door to find the maid service is waiting in the room next door for us to get the fuck out. A little kitty jockeying and off we go speeding down the interstate for LA LA LAnd. A little while later as we approach The Grapevine mountain pass I make a decision to stop for gas even though we were not low. I did not feel like getting halfway up that fucking hill and realize there wasn't enough gas. We pulled into a station and I go in to pre pay (Yes, another $60). On the way back to start the pump, I see green fluid puddled and flowing away from our lovely truck. I get Alice to pull the hood release and open it to find the radiator coolant is literally boiling and sputtering out of the reservoir. Auto mechanics is not really my speciality, so I panic. I have Alice call U-Haul roadside assistance to let them know our truck is overheating and the gauge inside said nothing to that effect. I looked stupid when the mechanic said "Oh, just wait a little while and add coolant. It'll be fine." So we wait and yup, it was o.k.. I added fluid to the truck got fuel for our bodies and over the mountains we went. We went straight to the storage facility upon reaching LA. After the paperwork was done and the storage people were happy I wasn't storing dead bodies or toxic waste, we moved the truck into place and prepared for a bitch of an unload. Just as we opened the back door of the truck, Maurissa arrived and hugs were exchanged. I thank the stars (who are apparently deities in this town) Mo was there to help. She was a dynamo with a smile. In no time at all we had that storage unit completely full. I am talking wall to wall and stacked 8 feet tall. Whew! The Mattress We ran away from our Storeroom of Crap and headed to the U-haul place to drop off the crappy truck. I can say that now because I don't have to coddle it anymore. It had been falling apart from the moment I picked it up. I swear they give the crappiest trucks to the one-way movers. Anyhoo, Alice and I decided we didn't want our saltine cracker thin futon mattress or our nail board box spring any more. We left them in the truck so we could get rid of them somewhere. We tried to drop them off at Goodwill, but they were closed. We tried to leave them in the street but there were lots of eyes everywhere and I felt too guilty. Finally, we found a huge dumpster behind a grocery store and I chucked them in. Happy to be without the bedding burden we went to drop off the truck (Order of events is a little altered for the telling). At the U-Haul place, we pulled up as the employees were leaving. They had a huge space in the secure lot but they wanted us to park the truck in the street. What a pain in the ass that was. We had to borrow Mo's gym lock to secure the dolly in the back of the truck and hope the folks at the U-Haul got the truck before the 1 hour parking time limit was up on the 2nd. p.s. The Phone call On our way to drop off the truck, my phone rang. It was the Dan at the SF - I.A.T.S.E Office. "How would you like to be my hero for the week? We have a last minute booking and we need someone who is good to make it work." I was shocked and flattered. I had not called in my availability for a couple weeks because I was preparing for the move. I told them I was in LA and couldn't make it. "Sure you can. We need you at 8 am tomorrow. All the Stagehands will be singing 'The Drive of Daryl Frame' for days to come." I can't do it. Through our conversation, I find out that I was requested by another IATSE member because he remembered working with me and thought I was the perfect man for the job. Again, I was flattered. Dan asked why I was in LA. I told him I was here for work. "Oh! You aren't leaving for your rock and roll career are you?" "No, my studio career." "We aren't loosing another great hand are we?" "Not sure yet. I'll let you know in the next couple weeks." I felt bad for turning down the job. I won't miss the work. I will miss working with them. ____________________________________________________________

March 2005

Lets Get a Hotel Room Thursday 03/31/05 Okay. After what seemed like an eternity, we finally made it to Kettleman City and had our food and gas ($60 to fill the tank, btw). On our way out Alice called Christian (The saint who is letting us stay in his place in April). He has to fly out of town at 4 am the next morning so, understandably, he wants to get to bed early. It was determined that it would be too late for us to get there that night so we decided to get a hotel room. Did I mention that between the party and packing last night I had a grand total of 3 hours of sleep and Alice was sick. Needless to say, stopping for the night was a blessing from heaven. We pulled over at the first exit that looked like they had a hotel and a place to buy a pad lock for the truck. We went to a couple gas stations and found a lock at one of those huge trucker stops where they serve food, have a shop, and offer showers. I guess this is pretty boring to read but hey, not all of life is exciting. After we had secured a security device or two we decided to go to the first hotel we could see and ask if they allowed a cat in the room. As luck would have it, the very first place was a winner. After jockeying the truck around for a while so we could get our overnight bags out of the back, we went into the room and I crashed. I didn't turn on the T.V. I didn't go to the bathroom, I didn't read a magazine, I didn't check my email, I didn't call anyone. I crashed. I don't even remember disrobing even though I found myself properly attired for slumber the next morning. Maybe my wife stripped me and took advantage. ____________________________________________________________

Kitty On The Shoulder Wednesday 03/31/05 Here's a picture of Babouschka perched on my shoulder in the U-Haul truck. She was very scared but also curious about what was happening. ____________________________________________________________

Finally On the Road Thursday 03/31/05 Oh shit! Traffic! The difference in leaving at 3 compared to 12 is the traffic. Holy Shit! It took us a two and a half hours to get to Pleasanton. It should have only taken one hour. Then, once we were on I-5, I found that, indeed, a truck has much less pickup when loaded floor to ceiling, front to back with crap. It was difficult getting the truck up to 70 mph. I know you're thinking "Hey! that's speeding, Mister!" Yep! It is. But it still took us forever to get to Kettleman City (Our favorite stop between SF and LA) for In N Out burgers. One thing about driving our own stuff from one city to another is dealing with the Cat. She is wonderful and I love her. That having been said, traveling with an animal is a total pain in the ass. Every time you open a window or door you have to be ready to catch her by the haunches as she lunges to escape. She crawls all over you and under your feet while you are driving. And don't forget the hours of meowing. I am so glad I have Alice and Babouschka in my life. My wife and my daughter. I love them so much. It makes me feel better knowing I have them to share this adventure/nightmare. ____________________________________________________________

Mexican Workers Thursday 03/31/05 While packing our shit into boxes is harrowing, putting said fecal matter into a truck is altogether another thing. We had a large crew (Me and Alice) slated to load the truck as of Wednesday night. I can't imagine how long it would have taken us if it remained that way. When I went to pick up the U-Haul in the morning there were several day-workers waiting outside the rental location asking for work. How could I say no? We needed help and they were ready and willing. I got them and drove home. While I was driving I tried to call Alice to warn her I was on my way with a couple strangers. Our phone had already been turned off and she had her cell phone off as well. She got no warning. I asked them to wait while I went in and roused Alice. Thank goodness she was already up and ambulatory, if a little sniffly with a cold. Alice and I did a little shifting of stuff to accommodate the Amigos and I went out and collected them. Throughout the whole process they referred to me as Amigo and never gave me their names. I overheard the guy who could speak English call his friend Miguel but I never heard his name. They were courteous and hard working. They put up with my b.s. and being unprepared. Given the state of disarray in our apartment, they did a great job loading the truck. I was originally hoping to get out of town by noon. It wasn't in the cards. We left closer to three and I was glad to be done with it. ____________________________________________________________

Game Night Wednesday 03/30/05 I was very sad at the end of Wednesday night. Not because I didn't get to play any games, but because a large number of people came to give us a goodbye party. Present was: Elise, Diane, Mary, Karen, Kevin, Robb, Kellee, Toby, Christopher, Debbie, and Jon. Alice and I were taken aback at how many people were there supporting our folly. We talked for a while and ordered Cambodian food. After dinner, we had cake and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me because my b-day was the previous Saturday. A little later we gave out some stuff we didn't want to move to LA or stuff that wouldn't last the storage period. Most everything was claimed. It felt good to get rid of it. I fully expect some of it to go into various trash bins around town but still it was a relief to not need to pack and move it. At the end my vision was a little blurry. I think I had something in my eye. I still get pang when I think about the great friends we moved away from. I really hope we get to see them and catch up often. I know we are going to visit SF in the future but will any of them visit us? We really hope so! I already miss them terribly. ____________________________________________________________

Packing for days Wednesday 03/30/05 Well, tomorrow is the day for us to hit the road. We have been packing constantly for several days now. It seems like the stuff will never end. Once I feel like we've progressed nicely I realize there is no time left and there is still stuff sitting around. I have been to U-Haul three times to buy boxes. I have lugged bags of old clothes and stuff for blocks to donate them. Tomorrow I have to get the truck at 8 a.m. and start the loading process. I am not looking forward to it at all. It will be hours of schlepping crap to a truck followed by hours of driving followed by hours of schlepping crap from the truck to storage. Holy Shit. Tonight is game night once again and there will be loads of people there. It will most likely turn into a social gathering instead of games. It is the last night we will be in SF. ____________________________________________________________

Last Session at Boomtown Wednesday 03/30/05 I was called in at the last minute and got myself to the studio for what we thought was going to be an hour of work. When finally the script came forth from the fax machine (Yes the advertisement world still uses faxes to get information around), it was one measly script. And, it was one we had done the day before with one word change. The recording only took 5 minutes. I was called in early, 8:45 in the morning, and was walking back out the door for the bus just moments later. I am so glad I didn't refuse this last session because it turned out to be very productive for me. It started out with my getting a nice note and a little bonus from my boss. I had half expected to get a swift kick in the ass instead of a parting gift. From the first time I told them I was moving, the folks at Boomtown have been very supportive and nice. Here I am leaving them in the lurch and they smile and say "Good luck! Let us know if we can help in any way." I wasn't expecting that. During the 5 min. session I mentioned to the other engineer that that would be my last session with them and he was also supportive and helpful. I told him I was going to LA and he immediately said I know a guy there looking for an engineer, here is his phone number. Wow! in the 20 minutes I was at the studio I got a bonus and a job lead. I walked away smiling and feeling like this move might just work. I got home an hour later and found myself back to the grind of packing all my shit into little cardboard coffins. I am beginning to feel like I will just trash most of what I have as I move into our new place. Wherever that may be. ____________________________________________________________

42 Tuesday 03/29/05 42. Doctor Phil's test. I read all of the catagory descriptions and could find something I could relate to in all of them. Yes, even the 0-21 range. I think most tests like this are like fortune telling. The info they put in every catagory is so vague that it coud apply to almost anyone. I also think that mankind cant really be broken down into only 4 or 5 types of people. I'm not trying to be a nay sayer... I took the test after all. Sometimes I wish someone actually could ask me ten questions and tell me the solution to all my issues. Maybe someone has already done just that but I was/am so closed off that I don't see the answer. There may be a flaw built into everyone that doesn't allow (for lack of a better word) enlightenment. I have had people give me advice and, knowing what they told me was right, I did not follow their direction. Some days I look at my arms and think "Wow, I have really strong forearms." and the very next day I look and think "Man, How pathetic am I?" It's the same with life. Some days I say "Can I get more screwed up? Or, have I hit the absolute bottom of the barrel?" Ten minutes later I have a moment of clarity and I feel like I am the most well adjusted bloke on the planet. Is everyone like this? Or, do I need therapy? ____________________________________________________________

Goin' Home T'day Monday 03/14/05 Getting ready to drive back up the coastal state. I'm not really looking forward to the drive but I miss Bouschka. We spent last night with Mo and Christian. He took us to a vietnamese restaurant last night. There was no sign above the door, it was a tiny place but they made a mean egg roll and the cold noodle dishes were great. After that we went and got some ice cream. I had peanut butter cup perfection. We took our treats to Christians and hung out there. C is learning to fire dance so he had these small sand bags on strings that he swung around for practice. We played with them for a while and talked about Bali and work and the kid he baby-sat for last night. I always feel better about moving to LA after talking to Christian. He has good things to say and good advice. I only wish I had a job going into this move. I cant help but feel like i am not up to the task of finding a job in the industry other than a lowly peon. I feel like I will be getting lunches for clients for years before I will get to do any real work. I thought I was past the assistant role when I left Chicago but I haven't progressed much since then. Only time will tell. ____________________________________________________________

Tired of looking @ apartments Saturday 03/12/05 We spent the day looking at places in LA. some were good some were great some were marvelous but it seems like none were the right one. Bundy was nice but in a very busy traffic area. Poinsettia was nice but street parking wasn't. Poinsettia pt.2 was spectacular but way too expensive. The Meadows was beautiful but a little too expensive and no fridge. Totally uninspired by the Sepulveda selections. Also, it seemed every time we finished looking at the apartment and it was time to fill out applications I had a feeling of "just not ready" come over me. Maybe my soul is telling me it's not time. Maybe I am chicken shit. What ever the reason I think it will be April before we make a decision. We will probably store our crap and stay @ Christians while he's gone to Bali. I need to get my job search shit together. I have to call people and write people and generally amp up my efforts. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to disappoint Alice. We'll see ____________________________________________________________

MOre LA Friday 03/11/05 417-8138 We went to look at a few apartments today. I have to admit that some of them weren't very nice. I wonder if it's an omen or a blessing that the first place we went to was a dirt hole. The occupants weren't out yet and they seemed like slobs of the highest caliber. The stove was covered with dried crusty food. The balcony was covered with cigarette butts. The state of disarray was remarkable. I can't fathom why the landlord would want to show the place in that state. The next few places were much nicer but they didn't have fridges. What the fuck! No refrigerator? Apparently, that is a common occurrence in LA. I guess the angels bring their own food storage units, or is it that they don't eat food? Whatever the reason... it is fucked up. "Hi I can't afford to buy my own home but I would love to have to bu the biggest appliances and move them around every time I move. NOT!" Went to Christian's place for an hour or so in the afternoon. Talked about his trip to Burning Man and his new HD video camera. He offered to let us stay in his place while he's in Bali in April. I think we might end up doing just that. If we can't find a suitable place for April 1, then we'll be in limbo for a while. Yes, we'll have to store our crap but I think that'll be fine. We spent the evening with Maurissa. Gosh, I miss her. We ate brie and guacamole at home for our meal, then went to Swingers Diner on Broadway in Santa Monica. They have good peanut butter and banana shakes. Tomorrow is more apartment hunting. We were looking in Palms and Culver City today, but tomorrow will include Hollywood and West Hollywood. Still unsure about this move. ____________________________________________________________

La La Land Friday 03/11/05 Well, here we are in LA. Drove most of the day yesterday; now I'm rested and ready. We plan on looking for a place to live today and this weekend. I hope all goes well for us. I'm still not sure the time is right for LA. I wish I had a definite knowledge of where we need to be. Life is so difficult to decipher when you're in limbo. We are in limbo. Freelancing in SF has been maddening to say the least. Not enough work to be comfortable, but just enough work to cause complacency. I have prayed for death more than once a week in the past year. What I'd rather do is get a job, but that may not be in the cards yet. I went to the Game developers conference on Wednesday and gave out several copies of my resume and a couple demo reels. At the time, I was optimistic and up. Now that I have had time to reflect, I am back to my pessimistic self again. I have a few regrets about that experience. I wish I had written down who I talked to and gave resumes to. I don't remember. I have a shit-load of business cards but no memory. It was a whirlwind of action. I have never seen such a crazy open market for work. It seems that Game employers think that just because I haven't worked on a shipped title I must not be worthwhile. What they fail to see is there is great hidden potential and a fresh pair of ears. No, I haven't used the exact software they are using, but I am sure that I can learn it quickly. No, I haven't worked on a released title, but they had not either when they got their first break in games. I hope someone there takes a chance and calls me. I am not convinced they will but, I hope. ____________________________________________________________

Games last night Thursday 03/03/05 We had the first game night where we split into two groups. One group was comprised of Alice, Diane and Mary they played one game of Entdecker. The other group was Karen, MIke Fl, Elise and Me. We played Tikal and Puerto Rico (with only the expansion buildings). It was strange how the one group only played one game while the other played two. The Entdecker group are a more social group. Much talking could be heard from the TV room. While my group was the serious game game game folks. Not as much chatting but more concentration on playing. I think I have found one of my great downfalls in life. I have bad interpersonal skills. When given the choice of talking or focusing on the task at hand I will usually buckle down and work. I have no skill for small talk and my memory of personal details is terrible. This spills over to my networking and therefore my job finding skills. I have the hardest time talking to possible clients or employers about myself. I get shy and start stumbling over my thoughts and words. I think I come off as a real freak and I scare people away. This extends to my resume and cover letter writing. I don't think I have ever gotten a job from my resume or even an interview. I know I have been infinitely qualified for many of the jobs I have applied for, but my cover letter and resume are written by me so they (suck), i.e. don't attract attention. Well, I guess I should get used to the idea of saying "Would you like fries with your burger, sir?" ____________________________________________________________

Doctors Tuesday 03/01/05 I went to the doctor the other day because after being sick for a week I had pain in my zygomatic bones, she said I had a sinus infection. We talked for a while and I thought I made myself perfectly clear that I don't take medicine very much and I don't want to use a super powerful drug for a minor infection. (By the time I got in to see the doctor the pain was dissipating anyway) What does she proceed to do? Give me a prescription for an overpriced designer antibiotic that my wife and I suspect they use to fight ANTHRAX. Is there any wonder why the medical profession is hated by most of the country. They overcharge for everything, they don't listen to the patient, they usually are just guessing at what is causing the problems and then they use the most ridiculous methods of treatment. Alice had a rash and bad stomach pains for years, instead of doing the one test that would have most likely shown the problem, they made her go through months of overpriced procedures to discover NOTHING. After the doctors have screwed the pooch, in swoops the insurance companies. Who proceed to decline payment for simple procedures that are supposed to be covered. Then they charge astronomical rates for the insurance policy which doesn't cover any medical procedures anyway. So, after paying thousands a year for insurance the patient ends up paying thousands more because the insurance company decides not to pay out for procedures that they are supposed to cover. If I were dictator I would make all medical industries NOT FOR PROFIT. That would fix so much of the bullshit. The whole concept of profiting off people who are ill is evil to the core. It is the equivalent of kicking someone when they are down. Alice read an article that stated that everyone in the U.S., with the exception of the Bill Gates' of the world, is one illness away from bankruptcy. ____________________________________________________________

February 2005

academy awards Sunday 02/27/05 Sitting at home again. We have no plans for the evening of the academy awards. Every year we have several choices of parties to attend. This year we have none. I think we have fallen from social favor. That being said I don't give a flying rat shit about the awards. They are meaningless back patting and ego stroking that have no real meaning in life. I say to all actors who act as if these awards have some kind of spiritual meaning, BOO! When thousands of people who to teach, research science and generally advance mankind live near poverty. There is no reason for actors and athletes to be paid millions for the useless, mindless crap to which they devote their lives. The only thing about this night worth while is being with friends. ____________________________________________________________

Sushi Yeah! Thursday 02/24/05 Alice and I just had sushi. Yeah! It's been a while. We had some bad delivery sushi last night at game night... it just made us yearn for real sushi. MMMMMMMMMMM. Unagi, Hamachi, Spider Roll, California Roll, Sake, Ebi, Tamago, Tekka Maki, Wasabi. ____________________________________________________________

Cough Cough Wednesday 02/23/05 Today I went to the doctor. I told her i had a cold and it was manifesting in the facial bones as pain and she said nasal infection. OK. I told her I don't take medicine and If she was going to prescribe something I wanted it to be just strong enough to treat the infection but not so strong it will strip the paint off a speed boat as it raced by. She said OK. I get to the pharmacy and the drug she prescribed after my insurance was $100 for ten pills. What the fuck is this country coming to when a simple antibiotic, supposedly mild, is ten dollars a pill. I am so pissed off right now I can hardly see straight. No wonder this country is so fucked up. Profit off the sick. Kick people when they're down. Millions are made each year off pills. pardon me Billions are made each year off pills. Who pays for them? The poor and the middle class. Who profits? The super rich. ____________________________________________________________

My Family Wednesday 02/23/05 Last night I had dinner with my cousin Jason and his wife Martha. I really miss them. It was nice to sit down and talk about old times, my family and other crazy shit. I learned some disturbing things about my family. I have a relative who is supposed to be this great person and it turns out there's racism and bigotry where I thought it was impossible. I guess those years of thinking there was something not quite right turned out to be justified. This is not to say I had never seen these qualities in my family before. There are some ____________________________________________________________

the crap Monday 02/21/05 What is the deal with the crap. Can't people just stop with the selfish bullshit and get over themselves. There are other people in the world besides you and we tired of your "me me me mine mine mine" attitude. One of these days you'll realize that all you got is crap that doesn't mean squat! ____________________________________________________________

Still Sick Monday 02/21/05 I'm still sick after a week and a few days. It's driving me crazy. Not so much for the sick but the pain. I have a pain in my head like my face is being crushed in a vise. I don't mind sniffles or even a general lack of energy but pain in the face is uncalled for. ____________________________________________________________